Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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