I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
