her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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