Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
