Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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