Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
