your room smells of hookers.
And success
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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