Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
