Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
