the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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