I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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