I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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