Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
thus making me awesome and them whores
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you inspire me to be a worse person
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
