She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
