Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
