Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
