I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
