put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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