I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
