Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come on in and take your pants off
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