the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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