so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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