There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
