im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
