Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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