id be glad to
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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