if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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