You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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