i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
