Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize