You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
