We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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