He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
