yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
