Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
