Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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