He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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