I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
