I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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