one two three fourrrrnication!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
