Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
