We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
