Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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