We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
