yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
