I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this will be a night to untag.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
