Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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