The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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