if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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