everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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