He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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