i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
