So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
