u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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