His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
