Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
