I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
