I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
