its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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