dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
