she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
