hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
