just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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