Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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