Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
