Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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